The Twelve Gays of Christmas
by Alixia
Summary: An overdose of eggnog and candy canes has caused this author to terribly warp and disfigure the beloved chirstmas carol 'The Twelve Days of Christmas'. Shounen ai and shoujo ai ensues.


Hehe. Well... I wanted to get in the Christmas spirit so this is what I did! Eh... t'is a little confusing though, so you might want to read it situation by situation. But I had fun anyway. This is my Chirstmas gift to you!

Enjoy!

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The Twelve Gays ofChirstmas

**On the first day of Christmas**

**This is what our gays did**

**Raven got Lucius to strip**

"Are you sure about this L-lord Raymond? I- I mean... It's not usual for a monk to take one's clothes off for the pleasure of another."

"Mm..." Raven brushed his lips against the nape of Lucius's neck, his arms circling his waist. "Come on Lucius... Just this once?"

On the second day of Christmas

**This is what our gays did**

**Rath gave Wil chocolate**

"Rath! Merry Christmas Rath! Are you having a good time? I got you a new bow did you get it? Oops! I really shouldn't have said that, should I? I mean, now you know what I got you! Ha-ha! Er… Um, pretend you never heard that! I didn't_ actually_ get you a bow. Unless you've already found it, because then-"

"...Here. Merry Christmas, Wil." The nomad held out a neatly wrapped package.

**and Raven got Lucius to strip**

"B-but I don't know how to strip."

On the third day of Christmas

**This is what our gays did**

**Hector jumped Eliwood**

Hector cackled silently, Eliwood had been too busy as of late. He had had too many meeting with the other group members, too many preparations, and too much time away from _him_, and an Eliwood without his lovely lover, was a very cranky Eliwood.

Smugly, he snuck up on his unhappy little lord.

**Rath gave Wil chocolate**

"Ooh, wow, you got me something! What is it? I bet I'll love it whatever it because it's from you, but-"

**and Raven got Lucius to strip**

"Think of it as a Christmas gift to me."

On the forth day of Christmas

**This is what our gays did**

**Legault seduced Heath**

Legault came running towards the wyvern rider. "Heath, quick, hide! Bern's solders!"

"What? Where! Oomph!" Almost noiselessly, Heath was shoved under a hallway table with Legault on his lap (Mm, how _did_ he manage that?) The draping tablecloth hide them from sight.

**Hector jumped Eliwood**

"... ... Ack! What the heck! Get off! Who the hell jumps a bloody lord! Get off me!"

**Rath gave Wil chocolate**

"-Chocolate! Ooh, wow! I love chocolate, it's _sooooo _good. Kind of like coffee, coffee's really good too, but this is SO way better!"

**and Raven got Lucius to strip**

"But I already gave you a new long sword!"

On the fifth day of Christmas

**This is what our gays did**

**Matthew stole Guy's pants!**

T'was a peaceful Monday morning in the camp, Mark was off making battle plans, Merlinus was harassing Legault for allegedly taking all of his Light Runes (what _would_ he be doing with those?) and Kent was pulling Sain away from the girls by the ear. And this tranquility of theirs continued, until Guy came sprinting out of his tent with a blanket wrapped round his waist in the place of pants.

"MATTHEW!"

**Legault seduced Heath**

"Oh good, we're safe now."

**Hector jumped Eliwood**

"Oh hush up, Eliwood."

**Rath gave Wil chocolate**

"... Wil? Are you sure you should eat that many?"

**and Raven got Lucius to strip**

"And I've enjoyed its use very much."

On the sixth day of Christmas

**This is what our gays did**

**Canas taught Erk foreplay**

Canas hummed merrily as he delved into his newly received book about the history of Christmas and major figures surrounding it. It was fascinating how this 'Santa' person had so many different pseudonyms, and how the holiday had spread throughout the continent after the scouring! Amazing, really...

"Ah... Canas?" Erk, a younger magic user approached him hesitantly in his tent. "Did you get my gift?"

He smiled, "O yes, I'm reading it right now! It's quite intriguing."

**Matthew stole Guy's pants!**

"Yes, dearest Guy?"

**Legault seduced Heath**

"...From Bern's solders?"

**Hector jumped Eliwood**

"...Hector?"

**Rath gave Wil chocolate**

"But they're great! I really like them, they taste so good! Really really really good!"

**and Raven got Lucius to strip**

On the seventh day of Christmas

**This is what our gays did**

**Sain held up holly**

"Ah, Kent, my boon companion! How goes the holiday?" The green clad paladin smiled impishly at his friend.

His 'boon' companion merely sighed and wearily looked up above his heads, starring at the three glimpses of red between vibrant green leaves. "...What are you doing, Sain?"

**Canas taught Erk foreplay**

"Yeah... Um, I was wondering...if you could...teach me something..?"

**Matthew stole Guy's pants!**

"G-give me back my pants!"

**Legault seduced Heath**

"From prying eyes, darling."

**Hector jumped Eliwood**

"Mm?"

**Rath gave Wil chocolate**

"...I don't think you're suppose to be twitching like that..."

**and Raven got Lucius to strip**

"Please, Lucius?"

On the eighth day of Christmas

**This is what our gays did**

**Florina screamed at men**

The young Pegasus rider giggled shyly and she fed Huey another carrot. "You're a hungry Pegusi, aren't you Huey? Hey, be careful! You almost got my fingers there." She stroked the beast's muzzle affectionately, and all was peaceful until...

Canas made an appearance. "Excuse me young Miss, but I can't help notice that's a peg-"

"EEEK! MEN!"

**Sain held up holly**

"Holding up mistletoe, of course!"

**Canas taught Erk foreplay**

"Oh, certainly! What would you like to know?"

**Matthew stole Guy's pants!**

"Mm... I don't see any reason to..."

**Legault seduced Heath**

"W-what?"

**Hector jumped Eliwood**

"What the hell are you doing! Get off me!"

**Rath gave Wil chocolate**

"... _Wil,_ is there a reason you're looking at me like that?"

**and Raven got Lucius to strip**

"Oh, alright. But don't expect me to be very good!"

On the ninth day of Christmas

**This is what our gays did**

**Lyn to the rescue**

Lyn was off on her own this lovely morning, sharpening her blade as she sat along the edge of the camp. She wondered what the rest of their company was doing, where her lovely young Pegasus knight was off to, but she discovered soon enough, as a loud piercing shriek came her way from the camp stable. Lyn was on her feet and moving in moments, her Mani Katti in hand and eyes ablaze. Everyone in the camp between point A (Lyn) and point B (Florina) cleared the way.

"WHO DARES FRIGHTEN **MY** FLORINA!"

**Florina screamed at men**

"Hey! Pony girl! You have a big voice, let us fight!"

**Sain held up holly**

"But _why_, Sain? Shouldn't you be tying it above the tents of every lass in camp?"

**Canas taught Erk foreplay**

"Um...Foreplay?"

**Matthew stole Guy's pants!**

"M-Matthew!"

**Legault seduced Heath**

"Mm... You wouldn't want me straddling you in public, would you?"

**Hector jumped Eliwood**

"...No?"

**Rath gave Wil chocolate**

**and Raven got Lucius to strip**

"..You don't wear anything under your robes?"

On the tenth day of Christmas

**This is what our gays did**

**Rath now fears chocolate**

"Rath! Hey Rath! Guess what!"

"...What is it, Wil?"

"Lowen's made chocolate pudding for Christmas dinner! Great, huh? Let's go get some before it's all gone!"

**Lyn to the rescue**

"L-Lyn! _MEN!_"

**Florina screamed at men**

"EEEK! MORE MEN!"

**Sain held up holly**

"Don't be absurd!"

**Canas taught Erk foreplay**

"... You want me... To teach you foreplay?"

**Matthew stole Guy's pants!**

"You'll owe me another favor..."

**Legault seduced Heath**

"No, but..."

**Hector jumped Eliwood**

"No? What, do you mean, no! Get off me right now! I have to go help Lowen with dinner preparations and then I have to see Mark about some battle plans -Elimine _knows_, he won't even stop for Christmas-"

**Rath gave Wil chocolate**

"... ... ...Wil?"

**and Raven got Lucius to strip**

"...I _told_ you not to expect much, my lord..."

On the eleventh day of Christmas

**This is what our gays did**

**Guy sleeps with pants on**

Since that lovely Monday (a day of the week now spited my the young myrmidon) Guy had learnt one very important thing -it was not safe to leave your pants unguarded. So it came as a surprise when on the following Tuesday morning (a day he would soon learn to spite as well) his pants were gone, despite him never taking them off. Very scary!

Storming out of his tent with his ever-trusty blanket tightly wrapped, he made his way over to the pants caperer. Exasperated, he pleaded, "Matthew, _why _did you take my pants again?"

**Rath now fears chocolate**

"..." OO;

**Lyn to the rescue**

"Point me at 'em, Florina! I'll kill 'em all!"

**Florina screamed at men**

"Whahahaha! Girlie! What's up with you!"

**Sain held up holly**

"...Are you ill, Sain?"

**Canas taught Erk foreplay**

"Um.. Yeah, well... Oh never-"

**Matthew stole Guy's pants!**

"Fine. W-what?"

**Legault seduced Heath**

"...But what?"

**Hector jumped Eliwood**

"Didn't I tell you to shut up?"

**Rath gave Wil chocolate**

"_Chocolate..._"

**and Raven got Lucius to strip**

"Well I suppose the sooner the better..."

On the twelfth day of Christmas

**This is what our gays did**

**Erk has learn too much**

Canas flipped through a novel jovially, having taken up refuge in the library of the castle they had stopped in for the New Year. And while he read, our little mage snuck up behind him silently. He smiled slyly and wrapped his arms around the druid, pressing his nose into the back of his lovely hair.

He purred, "Hello, Canas... I'm back for another lesson."

**Guy sleeps with pants on**

"...I wanted another kiss."

**Rath now fears chocolate**

"Rath? Rath, where are you going! The pudding's in the other direction!"

**Lyn to the rescue**

"Oh, _Lyn_!"

**Florina screamed at men**

"...Nngh. ... ..."

**Sain held up holly**

"I am not! I want a kiss from you!"

**Canas taught Erk foreplay**

"Alright!"

**Matthew stole Guy's pants!**

"A kiss."

**Legault seduced Heath**

"...Wouldn't the bedroom be more convenient?"

**Hector jumped Eliwood**

"Mmph! Mmn! ... ... ... Mmmmm..."

**Rath gave Wil chocolate**

"_Ack! ... Wil..!_"

**and Raven got Lucius to strip**

"L-lord Raymond!"

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Good? Bad? R&R please! It will be your chirstmas gift to me:) Ten (imaginary) bucks to whoever can guess who the other two men Florina runs into are. No flames, si vous plais. This was just for fun. 


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